I used another nick, I didn't resurrect megasec because of issues I couldn't quite jump over.  And so I became Irish_Ayes. It took a while to let all my friends know that I was megasec but bit by bit word got around and things settled.  On my return to the 50s room I found it almost deserted, big things had happened in there whilst I was away from chat.  And so I moved down a notch to the 40s room where I knew a few people, and made myself a home in there.

 

What transpired in the time between August 2001 and January 2003 will unfold in the book.  I decided in April 2002 to start writing a manuscript as I felt I had a story to tell that might be interesting enough to have published, about chat and the things that happened to me and my life courtesy of chat.  It took me a year to write and once I had it where I thought it was a reasonable read I sent it to some of my friends online and gave my daughter a copy.  Feedback was good, so I chose a publisher in the USA and sent it away for judgement.  News came back some 7 weeks later in the form of a congratulatory email, another one with a contract and another with copyright papers for America and associated countries.  So a punt on my part had worked and now I was facing having my life opened up for all and sundry to read about.  Only consoling factor is most of the people who will read the book don't have a clue who I really am.  Once the book was on its way, I changed my nick back to megasec.  It seemed appropriate.

 

I'm still in chat, I dont have the heart for it anymore like I did.  I spend time playing scrabble online whenever I can get a game, I play trivia online and I have one friend I chat to privately as often as he comes online.  Unfortunately he has had a couple of bad relationships and keeps me at arm's length so I don't see much there for me other than a friendship.  So be it.  If its' meant to happen it will if not then the word for the day is always 'NEXT'.  Other than that my time consists of just sitting around, playing my music, joining in a bit of chat as the mood strikes me, and of course working on the manuscript which at the moment is an ongoing project with all the editing and rewrites.  I've realised writing and getting a publisher may well have been the easy parts.  I have so much to get my head around between now and when the book is off the printer and ready to go.  I'm all at sea with it, sort of lost, alone.  But I hope I can work my way through with the help of one friend, a lady I've known since my first days with Westfield, over 20 years ago.  A clever promoter and marketer who has a lot of knowledge that I need.  The rest I'm going to have to do myself with the help of an accountant and solicitor.  Talk about making big changes.

 

Word is around in chat about the book, which is good publicity for it and free.  I'm having an article in our work newspaper and one of the employment agencies I use for temporary staff has offered to publicise the book when it's ready to be released through their newsletter which goes out to clients, temp workers and on the internet.  Some more free publicity.

 

So things are exciting - I'm on an adventure that I haven't a clue about where it will end up.  If I only make enough money to recoup my costs then so be it.  I will have achieved a life long dream to have a book published even though it's under a pseudonym.  I know it's my story and that's all that matters.  And megasec is back in chat wondering what is around the next corner.  Another brick wall, another male who can't tell the truth, or maybe the end of the road and happiness.  One can dream.

 

My son is moving out today.  It's time, way past it actually.  He isn't leaving on good terms, his choice.  He planned on leaving in 4 weeks I told him I prefer him to leave today.  So here I sit, trying to be unemotional while he packs all his belongings around me.  Like most things in my life I will get through this and if I never see him again then so be it.  He made his choices, he said words to me I will never forget nor forgive and it's time he moved on away from me to his own hell or whatever he chooses.  He told me I am the most selfish person he has ever met.  I'm smiling at that because I know how untrue that is.  And deep inside him somewhere he knows it's untrue too.  Without me for the last few years he would have been sleeping in his car and without me paying his registration he wouldn't be driving it anywhere.  But that's life, his life.